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Stobierski says: |
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Wait a second, did you say "nobody" asked about us? After four months, nobody missed us? Nobody called our mothers? Nobody visited the morgues and emergency rooms? Nobody sent us cryptic, unsigned letters with pictures of snowflakes pasted to the front pages and no return addresses? |
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Mushmouth says: |
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Right. Nobody. So let's answer nobody's question. Where are we guys? |
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Mushmouth says: |
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I don't think he has a name. He's still got his tags and everything. And he's a sifaka. At least that's what his tag says. It's all I've had to read for the past four months. Sifaka this, sifaka that. It doesn't really go anywhere. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Well, I must admit to being relatively fortunate since I could read all the books on the foreign languages shelf: French, German, Greek, Russian, Korean, Italian, Welsh, the Maya glyphs and all sorts of Japanese manuals. A treasure trove of linguistic inquiry. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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Cool beans. What'd you learn? |
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Stobierski says: |
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Nothing. I could see the titles, but the information within lay beyond my grasp. I did stare at the spines and imagine all the knowledge I might absorb, which is what I think most people do with such books. I pictured myself at a street cafe on the Rue de Something-or-Other discussing the viscera of artistic expression, or something like that, all in French. "But of course," I would say (in French.) |
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Mushmouth says: |
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You know that Little Jimmy Dickens song, "A-Sleepin' at the Foot of the Bed?" That's what our predicament made me think about. Everybody piled together like that. That song kept poppin' in my head. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Yes, and allow me add, I am so pleased you know all the words to that song and -- seemingly -- no other song in existence. The part about the nanny goat I especially like. There simply are not enough songs with the words "nanny goat" in them. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Yes. Well, I believe that says everything. We were on a shelf. Being a puppet, one has one's "Jonah days," or in this instance, "Jonah months." It cannot be helped. We apologize for the long absence, but it was not our fault. |
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Categorised in Ask A Puppet
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Stobierski says: |
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A simulacrum with a hand inside? Pfsh! I suppose that's what unokhan thinks of puppets like us. Is that what I am? A simulacrum? Oh certainly, I couldn't possibly have my own thingness, now could I? I'm just a puppet. Why doesn't this unokhan just come out and say it, all puppets are kn... kn... I can't say it. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Thanks, Mushmouth. I don't like to say the K-N-word, you know. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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Yeah, Stobie-man, I know. But aren't you being a little harsh on unokhan? I mean, isn't this what Puppetism is all about? Confronting bigotry and misconceptions one brain-infested human at a time? Encouraging the skin-stuffers to grasp beyond their cultural indoctrination into the raw plushy matter inside? |
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Mushmouth says: |
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Uh, I thought it was. Didn't we put that in our Mission Statement? |
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Stobierski says: |
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We had a Statement of Vision, and a Core Values statement drafted, but I don't think we ever got around to ratifying them. We certainly never brought up a Mission Statement. Mission Statements don't come up until step seven in the "How to Start a Niche Liberal Watchdog Organization" plan. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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I thought we had a Mission Statement. Maybe I dreamed it. |
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Stobierski says: |
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That could be. You're always having strange dreams like that. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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Hey, maybe I'm dreaming this conversation we're having? Right now. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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That's true. Surprising, but true. So what were the Core Values we were debating? I didn't know we had any values. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Honesty. Integrity. Free donuts for all committee members which is to be an equal distribution of plain glazed, chocolate-dipped chocolate with chocolate sprinkles, and some sort of goo-filled donut as long as it's not custard-filled... blueberry-filled if they have it. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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That sounds great! Why didn't we ratify that! |
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Stobierski says: |
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You wanted to issue a signing statement. |
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Mushmouth says: |
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Hmm. Oh yeah. "Blueberry-filled should not be construed to mean a moist cake donut filled with blueberry pieces, whether artificial or natural, but only as a round powdered donut pumped full of a gelatinous blueberry-flavored substance." |
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Stobierski says: |
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Yes, we're still researching if signing statements are pro forma constitutional legalities or something you just made up. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Yes. So there you go unokhan, as I said earlier, you can tell the puppets are puppets by their special "Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress" lapel pins. |
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Stobierski says: |
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Didn't I? I thought so. Right after the wizard descended from his flying saucer on the back of a giant white garden slug, screaming, "I want my cheese and crackers back you fellas!" Then I said, "You can tell the puppets by their Carousel of Progress lapel pins." Didn't I? |
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Categorised in Ask A Puppet
Categorised in Ask A Puppet